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snake oil

This category contains 29 posts

GOOP recommends a “sacred snake ceremony” for better sex. I have questions.

I did not make up the term GOOPASUTRA, but honestly it sounds like raw milk pasta, which sounds about as far from sexy as possible. But snakes, right? I mean once you have endorsed a medium as legitimate the next step is clearly a snake charmer. It’s honestly a full on traveling shit show of … Continue reading

Dr. Oz warns viewers about “fake” psychics wants you to pay for “real” ones.

Dr. Oz has been selected by our science loving President to serve on the President’s Council for Sports, Fitness, and Nutrition. This will allow Dr. Oz to get the White House stamp of approval for his “negative calorie foods” and “belly blasting diets.” I am totally sure Dr. Oz will do the right thing to … Continue reading

A magnet next to your vagina will not treat hot flashes (or anything else)

It appears Gwyneth Paltrow does not have a corner on the “rock in your crotch” market as LadyCare, a product apparently not named by Ron Burgundy, is selling a magnet to clip to your underwear with claims that it can cure pretty much everything, from hot flashes to low libido to stress. Take that you low … Continue reading

Don’t cleanse your vagina with a cucumber. Please.

In what seems like post #323 explaining that vaginas don’t need cleaning I present the cucumber vagina cleanse. Apparently some women are peeling cucumbers inserting them vaginally and then twisting them around for up to 20 minutes to refresh or cleanse or flush or something. This isn’t just a weird Facebook thing one person did … Continue reading

GOOP camouflages hormone hints among the hydrangeas

Despite all the GOOP-related press in the past few weeks I still keep to my general frequency of bi-weekly GOOP medical rounding so I can be up to date on their biologically implausible yet expensive health conversations. It seems that after they got all uncensored with me on July 13th there have been no new … Continue reading

Guys don’t tape your penis shut instead of using a condom

I admit the penis is not my professional wheelhouse but after someone sent me the horror that is Jiftip the Diktip I could not resist. After all Alex Jones has proven that men are equally vulnerable to snake oil and I do not want any guys trying this or any female partners getting pregnant because … Continue reading

Gwyneth Paltrow’s detox smoothie has too much arsenic for my taste

Gwyneth Paltrow threw down the gauntlet. Having people ask about the validity of second-hand medical information from a ghost, wanting explanations about the antiparasitic properties of goat milk, or questioning the physics of recharging a jade egg with lunar energy is apparently more tiresome than adrenal fatigue. Too much entropy!  To remind herself that chicks … Continue reading

Dear Gwyneth Paltrow we’re not f**king with you we’re correcting you, XOXO Science

Dear Ms. Paltrow, I understand you recently said that anyone who is going to fuck with you better bring their A game.   I’m pretty sure you don’t mean comment on your recipes but rather the growing exasperation from medical professionals and journalists alike at the almost constant debunking of the health “advice” and all … Continue reading

GOOP wants you to drink activated charcoal chai. Here’s why it’s crap.

Activated charcoal is one of the latest “wellness” trend and by wellness I mean things that charlatans want you to buy that have no hope of helping you. So yes my friends that leads us directly to GOOP and their latest installment in medical stupidity, activated charcoal chai. This concept is so medical inept I hardly … Continue reading

My Sweet V claims they can make your vagina smell sensual for $29.99. Just no.

There are seemingly endless ways to hack the vagina for cash. This week’s installment of vagina-cash-grab is a product called My Sweet V. The company claims their product can boost your libido and give your vagina a semi-fruity taste and a sensual smell. You know, to empower women because nothing says I’m a woman, hear me … Continue reading

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