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Gluing your labia shut during your period is a bad idea

Some dude chiropractor in Kansas wants women to glue their labia shut during their period as an option to pads, tampons, and a menstrual cup. His product is called mensez, you know, because it sounds like menses.

mensez.

He claims to have invented some amazing sealant that you apply to the labia minora to seal them together holding in blood. This amazing sealant will then magically release when you urinate, allowing the blood to flow into the toilet. Once you have finished your urinary business then you simply reapply and go on with your day until your next urge to empty your bladder. He calls it feminine lipstick, get it? Because it goes on your labia.

logowhite

This is stupid for some many reasons it hurts my brain. Here are my top four:

  1. This dude wants us to believe he has invented a miracle skin sealant that is magically reversible with urine, but not blood or sweat and can withstand a significant amount of friction. Ha ha ha ha. There is no Post-it Note labial glue.
  2. Reapplying some kind of glue, even some magically dissolving one, over and over could cause abrasions of the labia minora. Guess what that causes? Real adhesions, as in the labia growing together and needing surgical separation. This is not desirable. I had hoped a chiropractor would know that. Perhaps I expect too much.
  3. The idea that a complete blood tight seal could be obtained with some kind of simple home application is ridiculous. Perhaps he has never seen labia up close? It is technically possible for the labia to fuse shut with inflammatory skin conditions, such as lichen planus and lichen sclerosus and even occasional with severe atrophy. Basically, the skin from either side of the vaginal opening grows together. I treat this condition and I have seen women in urinary retention from this, so yes, a water tight seal is technically possible when the skin grows together, but with a glue?  Getting a perfect seal without using a mirror could be challenging and messy. Also, not everyone has labia large enough to cover their introitus comfortably without significant traction.
  4. Imagine the pain if you sat the wrong way or readjusted your labia and forgot they were glued together! I’m crossing my legs in pain just thinking if it!

Given the attention to the mensez.com site I doubt this is a joke.

Menstrual products in the United States require FDA approval, so this isn’t coming to a store near you anytime soon. If this appears on Kickstarter (they looove vagina products because they get attention and so usually get funded, who cares if they are not biologically plausible or safe or useful, right?) I’d give it a hard pass. If this guy has truly invented safe, reversible, non toxic skin glue strong enough to hold the labia together for 8 hours that only dissolves with urine and not blood then it would have many applications in wound care and the operating room and Pharma or the military would be fighting over it.

So no, a Kansas chiropractor has likely not invented Post-it Notes glue for the labia. However, if it is as amazing as he claims I would love to see a video or him using it on his own lips. How he gets the urine up there is, of course, his business.

postit

 

Discussion

60 thoughts on “Gluing your labia shut during your period is a bad idea

  1. No kidding. Jesus.

    >

    Posted by petalsf | February 20, 2017, 3:45 pm
  2. I had to check the date, make sure it wasn’t the first of April!

    What a weird idea. I would love to know how the hell he thought that up, maybe from sniffing glue? It just sounds like stoner babble to me. I’m just lost for words!

    Posted by Boostick | February 20, 2017, 3:45 pm
  3. Why does it always seem to be chiropractors who come up with this dodgy stuff? They previously ventured into “germ theory denialism” when a branch of chiropractic claimed that spinal subluxations were the cause of ALL disease. After all, isn’t it implausible that illness, death, and even mass epidemics are caused by tiny invisible organisms that invade our bodies? Germ theory is one of the organizing principles of biology.

    Posted by heatherclemenceau | February 20, 2017, 3:48 pm
    • Because many issues of back pain, are usually eased via the vagina. Jesus. That is common knowledge, and you women think you are experts just because you have a vag. HA! HA! HA!

      Posted by MPA2000 | February 22, 2017, 12:53 pm
    • Chiropractic was developed by an Iowa-based snakes oil salesman by the name of Daniel David Palmer, who also was into magnetic healing and other pseudoscientific “medical” practices. Chiropractors aren’t a recognized medical school – their theories are as ludicrous as homeopathy – but pseudoscience. So seeing bizarre ideas like this one come from those circles is hardly surprising. Those people think misalignment of spinal bones causes cancer and AIDS, after all.

      Posted by Richter_DL | February 25, 2017, 3:12 am
      • I was going to make a nearly identical comment, but you beat me to it. I’ll just summarize by saying chiropractic is quackery, and should be mocked and dismissed accordingly.

        Posted by Dennis Blankenship | March 10, 2017, 7:23 pm
  4. Whoa…. just the title gives me cramps. Is this guy mad?! What part of allowing period blood to stay in the body sounds like a good idea?!

    Posted by namelesspublications | February 20, 2017, 4:02 pm
    • Well you see, period blood is sterile until it leaves the body.

      I’m not kidding, it actually says (said? apparently he’s edited some a bit) that. He also said that you keep using it until there’s no longer any blood in your stool and that’s how you know your period is over.

      Posted by thelittlepakeha | February 20, 2017, 8:04 pm
      • That’s insane. I feel sorry for the people who believe this crap.

        Posted by namelesspublications | February 20, 2017, 11:54 pm
      • Wait, what? If there’s blood in your stool you aren’t having your period, you’re having a GI bleed!

        Posted by Boostick | February 21, 2017, 2:59 am
      • Well, menstrual fluid (it’s not entirely blood) has the same infectious potential as your own blood. So, having it in the body for a few extra hours is hardly calamitous. But that’s not the real issue here.

        Posted by Elizabeth Surton | February 22, 2017, 3:39 pm
      • Wow – I’ve known dudes who never learned that a urethra and vagina are separate apertures, but never one who was under the impression we were outfitted with a cloaca!

        Posted by nerdycellist | February 22, 2017, 7:00 pm
  5. I thought he called it Mensez because it sounds like “men says” and this product was trying to mansplain it to me. Don’t forget that while there are chiropractors who specialize in sports medicine and osteopathy-like treatment of physical structures, there are also still a bunch out there who believe the root of all illness is subluxations in the spine and if they just adjust you properly, you will be in optimum health. (Yeah, they don’t even #science, don’t get me started.) While I would expect MY chiropractors–licensed in CA and of the sports medicine kind–to know this, I wouldn’t count on the subluxation-chiropractors to have any clue about anything remotely medical (given there is zero evidence to back the subluxation theory, and that adjusting my spine isn’t going to cure asthma).

    Posted by bain2014 | February 20, 2017, 4:52 pm
  6. What the good holy hell is going on in this world???

    Posted by peggyleslie | February 20, 2017, 5:41 pm
  7. Oh god, I can’t even read this. I freaked out after your second paragraph. Please tell me there aren’t any women who will actually do this.

    Posted by marlenedotterer | February 20, 2017, 5:48 pm
  8. Um no, just a hard firm, NO WAY!

    Posted by Lenna | February 20, 2017, 6:15 pm
  9. I presume s/he , it , is a ‘friend’ of 45 ? What a pillock ( but when it is put on the market no doubt some women will buy it – scammed ) .

    Posted by Jim | February 20, 2017, 11:35 pm
  10. I really thought this was a joke when I saw it over the weekend. I took Mensez to mean “men says” and that someone thought they were being very funny. It frightens me that someone actually thinks this is a good idea.

    Posted by A Cookbook Collection | February 21, 2017, 1:34 am
  11. Sometimes when I read your posts I can’t imagine why on God’s green earth you would need to warm people away from this stuff. As they say, this is the reason shampoo bottles come with instructions

    What would be the consequences if you wanted to have sex while on your period? Don’t know about the rest of the world, but I’ve found a good roll in the hay relieves cramps

    Posted by ksol | February 21, 2017, 6:00 am
  12. Are you one of the 30% of men who suffers from premature ejaculation? Are you tired of wasting 30% of your brain power being distracted by this embarrassing problem that makes you dumberer than women? Good news, I have invented a glue that you put on your urethra and it holds your jizz in! You keep your erection even after ejaculation and orgasm because the jizz stays put, and that is absolutely how dicks work! The seal comes undone when it gets wet, and urine counts as liquid but jizz doesn’t, so it will come undone when you pee pee pee!

    I’m calling it WhoaMan because, “Whoa, man!” is what she’ll moan when you’re in her for longer than 60 seconds from now on. Order your WhoaMan today, operators are standing by!

    Posted by Bridget Jack Jeffries | February 21, 2017, 8:11 pm
  13. FTW. You’re killing me! Hilarious.

    Posted by Max Rocket | February 21, 2017, 8:43 pm
  14. Reblogged this on Healthy Solutions and commented:
    Glue stick to the labia??? BAD IDEA

    Posted by incostress | February 22, 2017, 5:46 am
  15. This is OFFICIALLY the STUPIDEST, most FOOLISH bit of IGNORANT, UNRESEARCHED GARBAGE I have EVER heard of when it comes to inventions. God, help us. Is this what he calls “convenience?”

    Posted by Carey Ann | February 22, 2017, 8:58 am
  16. Not sure what being a “dude” has to do with medical competence of either gender. I’m pretty sure you would be insulted if some guy said you shouldn’t be working because you are a “gal” and should stay home and have topperware parties.

    Anyway, I don’t care to read about the topic now, after your stupid intro.

    Posted by MPA2000 | February 22, 2017, 12:51 pm
    • You have cut me to the quick!

      Dude is a stand in for Trump loving misogynistic man. It’s derogatory on purpose.

      Posted by Dr. Jen Gunter | February 22, 2017, 1:49 pm
    • I mean, in 99% of cases I might agree with you but we’re literally talking about a menstrual product? It seems pretty obvious why someone’s sex might be a factor in their incompetence, on this subject. I’m confused why someone would pearlclutch about sexism when we’re literally talking about something that’s only relevant to one sex.

      I don’t think anyone thinks men in general are medically incompetent or can’t make a good menstrual product. But this man is, and he hasn’t.

      Posted by Carley Scott | February 24, 2017, 11:24 am
  17. Also, what about the fact that urine comes out of a DIFFERENT HOLE than menstrual blood, and therefore would never wash it away?

    Posted by Erica | February 22, 2017, 1:36 pm
  18. I have so many questions.

    Even if we assume that this thing works as advertised, presumably after you release the blood during urination you then have to wash and dry your labia before you can re-apply the glue (if urine dissolves it, and you’ve just urinated all over your labia to dissolve the previous round of glue)?

    Also, it strikes me that there’s a good chance this product contains starches and/or sugars, as adhesives usually do.

    So…I’m going to venture that Mansplainer General knows absolutely nothing about vaginal flora.

    The product website also seems to suggest that the vagina would make its own labia glue if people weren’t bathing so often, which…I just…I don’t even know what to say to that.

    Posted by Elizabeth Surton | February 22, 2017, 3:57 pm
    • I have a question too! On the theory that it even works, overlooking completely different openings, etc — Somewhere in there he said it’s the ammonia in urine that breaks down his glue, as opposed to blood, sweat, etc. So theoretically ammonia dissolves this magic glue. How much ammonia is actually in fresh urine? Is there an ammonia cutoff for dissolving? I’m not a medical professional, but my understanding was it was the breakdown of the nitrogen/protein in urine that turned into ammonia. What if you drank a lot of water and your urine is diluted? Too bad? What if your diet is low in protein? Are you stuck just not being able to pee now too? The questions!

      Posted by Sherry Lindsay | February 22, 2017, 5:44 pm
  19. Who knew?

    Posted by djaz | February 22, 2017, 4:46 pm
  20. Why is the logo a nutsack?

    Posted by katz | February 22, 2017, 6:12 pm
  21. Also imagine messing around down there with a glue stick and somehow not accidentally getting it caught up in your pubic hair, or getting hair caught up in the glue seal… Crossing my legs forever over here, thanks.

    Posted by Yesfir | February 23, 2017, 8:16 am
  22. I can’t even imagine how uncomfortable it would be to have everything glued shut down there.

    Posted by Barbara Carlson | February 23, 2017, 8:47 am
  23. Darn, I wanted to leave a detailed comment anonymously. Oh well. Since it is chez Dr. Jen Gunter, I might as well be forthright (and thank you for making this a good place for that!).

    Let us pretend this product is actually on the market, and performs as described, and is used by some women.

    As it happens, I was thinking about this story as I had to urinate. So I was mindful as I sat on the toilet and monitored how much of the urine actually touched my labia. Hardly any.

    Again, supposing this product existed, I thought T, well, what posture would I have to adopt so the urine I emitted irrigated my labia in sufficient quantity to unseal the… well, unseal anyway.

    So to make this (imaginary) product “work” as advertised, I’d have to pretty much point my anus at the toilet water, and take care to control the release of urine so it irrigated the labial seal.

    Posted by lizditz | February 23, 2017, 11:42 pm

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