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painful sex, pregnancy, sex

When sex hurts after having a baby (and it didn’t before)

A new study published in the BJOG indicates that by 6 weeks after a delivery 41% of women have resumed sex, 78% by 12 weeks, and 94% by 6 months.

Most health care providers recommend waiting 4-6 weeks after an uncomplicated vaginal delivery before resuming sex, the issue being an open cervix could increase the risk of infection (although I’m not sure if this delay has been rigorously studied).

But what if it’s 8 or so weeks after delivery, contraceptive needs have been addressed, the baby is actually sleeping, there’s a glimmer of libido and then you have to stop because it hurts!? A lot.

Painful sex is not normal. The three most common causes of painful sex after a baby include the following:

Low estrogen levels in the vagina: estrogen keeps the vaginal tissues healthy, supple, and well-lubricated. Estrogen levels can sometimes be low enough with breastfeeding to cause pain. Many women also report dryness and/or a sandpaper-like feeling with sex in addition to pain. Using lube may help, but it may not be enough. The solution: a small amount of vaginal estrogen will solve the problem within a few weeks. Once regular menstrual cycles return the estrogen levels will be high enough and the vaginal estrogen can be stopped. Using a small amount of estrogen in the vagina is fine while breastfeeding.

Problems with the scar: It’s not surprising that in the BJOG study women who required an assisted birth were less likely to have resumed sex by 6 weeks. The use of forceps or a vacuum increases the risk of a tear or an episiotomy, and a tear or repair needs to heal. Larger ones take linger. However, by 8 weeks things should be well on their way. If sex is painful at 8 weeks and you had a tear or stitches the area should be evaluated to make sure it’s healing appropriately.

Muscle spasm: The muscles of the pelvic floor can become inappropriately tight after delivery (this can be see after c-sections as well, so it’s not unique to vaginal deliveries). Sometimes the muscle spasm develops in response to pain from other causes (for example, the original problem could have been low estrogen levels, but repeated episodes of painful sex attempts led to muscle spasm), but sometimes it just happens, even after the easiest and atraumatic deliveries. My personal theory is the rapid withdrawal of progesterone after the placenta is delivered predisposes to this muscle spasm as progesterone is a potent muscle relaxant. Women and their partners often feel line they’re “hitting a painful wall” during penetration. Specialized pelvic flood physical therapy is the treatment and highly effective.

The bottom line is sex shouldn’t be painful. If sex hurts your body is telling you there’s a problem of some kind. If you’re told that it’s normal for sex to hurt and you’re more than 6-8 weeks out from your delivery, then another opinion may be in order.

*this post does not represent individual medical advice


13 thoughts on “When sex hurts after having a baby (and it didn’t before)

  1. That’s interesting because it took about 6 months before I could comfortably have sex again but I was also dealing with PPD, antidepressants, breastfeeding and an overly persistent husband. Finally told him to take matters into his own hands and leave me alone until I got some sleep. Finally around 9 months I felt normal and completely pain free. Doctor and nurse-midwife didn’t help much except to say it may have been hormone related.

    Posted by Mar | February 28, 2013, 6:53 pm
  2. Thanks for your blog, I find the calm, cool, collected perspective you bring to complex issues quite refreshing. If an estrogen supplement for the vagina works in the situation you describe in the blog, would such a solution be recommended for pain during sexual intercourse in menopausal women?

    Posted by Jennifer Whiteside | February 28, 2013, 8:20 pm
  3. This is nice, simple and great information. There’s one important typo – I just noticed that you have pelvic “flood” physical therapy instead of “floor”. Thanks!
    As a pelvic floor PT, I appreciate you sharing that we can help with this. I wish more gynecologists would send their patients to us for this exact thing. Most of our patients say, why didn’t anyone tell me this was a great option all this time?” Thanks!

    Posted by | March 5, 2013, 7:08 pm
  4. its been 14 weeks since I gave birth to my son. virginal delivery , no stitches , no tearing. it takes for ever for my partner to penetrate with lots of water base lube. once his in I do enjoy it until I Orgasm after that I find that I cant take the friction its quite sore and force him to get done. and that’s about all I can take for at least a week any sooner I am sore right from the beginning , we have to stop. I am in my early 20 before the birth of my son I used to enjoy sex, a couple of times a night, even pregnancy did not stop me I had sex until a day before my water broke. my husband used to call me a nympho. my sex drive has completely disappeared. please help. how do I get to enjoy sex again and how to bring my sex drive back. This is my first child and I breast feed.

    Posted by Belinda | August 29, 2014, 7:46 am
  5. Thanks for the great article. I’m 5 months after cesarean and sex is painful due to tightness, feels like the muscle spasm you mention. Where can I find information on the specialized pelvic floor physical therapy so I can try it please?

    Posted by AB | September 11, 2015, 1:57 am
  6. I’m a 24 year old woman and I’ve been married for 3 years and we have a 1 yr 2 month old baby and after having the baby (c-section) me and my husband cannot have vaginal intercourse and we have tried. The symptoms are no period since baby and my vagina feels like it’s gotton way too tight and when my husband trys it feels like a knife stabbing me and it’s right at the opening and also I have 3 lumps in my neck and feet and ankles stay swollen and all happened after baby. Please help me with this if you’ve ever heard anything like it

    Posted by Hannah | February 22, 2016, 7:54 pm
  7. It been over a year since my last baby and it still hurts to have sex

    Posted by Chrissy | June 4, 2016, 12:17 am
  8. Hey I had sex with my wife and we have a 3 months old baby girl is it an issue or is it bad

    Posted by Collins mutende | August 17, 2016, 1:22 pm


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