Some women and their partners are adverse to the idea of sex during the menstrual period (that sounds awfully formal, but everything else just sounded wrong). The reasons probably differ from person to person:
- The site of blood. I once dated a guy who freaked out at the very though of one red blood cell anywhere. Nothing says, “I love you, baby,” more than, “Oh my God, is there blood on me, I can’t look.” Sigh. Next!
- Libido issues. Not all of us feel our sexy best when we’ve spent the day popping in and out of the bathroom thinking, “Ah shit, is that blood on the back of my pants,” while doing that oh-so-special head swivel dance to catch a glimpse of your ass in the mirror.
- Your vulva feels a bit raw. Pads chaff, especially if you’ve been wearing them day and night for 5 days (tampons or a menstrual cup can take care of this problem, BTW).
- Cramps. It can be harder to get hot and heavy when all you are thinking is, “Why for fuck’s sake do they not make an Ibuprofen-tini?”
- The mess. I mean fighting over who is sleeping in the god damned wet spot is bad enough, but on a heavy day, well, you know what I’m talking about. I don’t mind washing sheets and towels, but hauling that big-ass mattress pad into the washer and dryer is a chore. Never mind wrestling it back onto the bed. Am I the only one who has trouble with that?
Here’s the thing. Orgasms can help cramps, big time. In addition, if you avoid sex entirely during your period that can be 7 or more sexless days a month. Or what if your period comes while you are on an awesome vacation. Are you really going to not have sex in Fiji because you have your period?
If no one cares about the mess, then awesome, However, if the thought of the mess/clean up/sight of blood is holding you back, there is hope. Pop in a SoftCup (disposable menstrual cup) or a diaphragm (if you happen to have one) before hand. Personally I think the SoftCup works better because it sits around your cervix rather than below it. Also, very few women have a diaphragm on hand because you need to be fitted, but you can buy a SoftCup at just about every drug store. Both are easy to insert and remove and because they are pliable, you and your partner won’t feel them during sex.
The makers of the SoftCup say you shouldn’t use one if you have an IUD, because you might accidentally snag the strings and pull the whole damn thing out. Well, I have an IUD (sorry if that’s TMI) and have never had that issue. I’m not really sure how that would be possible, and so I asked a couple of OB/GYN colleagues and they were all, “Huh? I don’t think you could pull your own IUD out that way.” So while technically possible, I think the risk is probably low.
The mess-adverse also have the option of shower sex. Personally, I have never mastered the art of sex standing up on a slippery surface, but if that works for you, rock on baby. Just don’t forget the lube, because water is a terrible lubricant.
How well does the SoftCup work? It’s awesome (potential bias alert: I am already a big fan of the menstrual cup) and I have never accidentally dislodged my own IUD. And trust me, it’s a whole lost easier than wrestling with that damn mattress pad that seems determined to be the death of me.