What do you think is high number of sexual partners?
Two? Eight? Not being able to count on your fingers and toes?
We talk a lot about the number of sex partners in the world of STDs, because sexually transmitted infections are a numbers game. The more partners you have, the more potential exposures. And the more potential exposures, the greater the risk of infection and all the sequelae that comes along as a parting gift. For example, we know that oral sex with 6 or more partners results in an 8-fold increases in the risk of oral cancer.
The National Health Statistics Reports (Published March 2011) gives us the answers about the number of sex partners for Americans ages 15-44, although why they stop at 44 I don’t know. I mean people do get divorced at 45 (ahem) and might possibly start dating again. I’m just saying.
The latest report uses data from the 2006–2008 National Survey of Family Growth. The answers are collected through in-person interviews with over 13,000 men and women. The data are collected using audio computer-assisted self interviewing, so the person being surveyed enters answers into the computer without revealing their responses to an interviewer. This method of responding hopefully eliminates (or at least limits) the need to artificially inflate or decrease the number of sex partners based on concerns over reporting real numbers to a live interviewer. The survey has a pretty high response rate: 75%.
The data for opposite sex partners ages 15 to 44 are as follows:
The median number of opposite sex partners for women is 3.2 and 5.1 for men.
88.7% of women have been sexually active with an opposite sex partner and 88.6% for men.
And for the highest number of partners in the study, 8.3% of women and 21.4% of men have had 15 or more partners. While the number of sex partners increased with age, by the age of 24 more than 14% of men and 7 % of women have had 15 or more sex partners.
One interesting demographic for both men and women, is the group most likely to have the highest number of partners (15 or more) are those who have previously been married and are not currently cohabiting, i.e. divorced and dating. While some of that may be a reflection of age, it is hard to know if other factors are also involved (the study simply addressed numbers, not the “why”).
Interesting stats for sure.
I’ll be posting throughout the next week with other interesting sexual demographics from this data set.
What do you think is a high number of sex partners?
88.7% of women have never been sexually active with an opposite sex partner and 88.6% for men. ???
Perhaps that should be “ever” rather than “never”?
Posted by Meta Brown | December 3, 2011, 2:10 pmYeah these numbers are a joke, I lost my virginity at 21 and I am now 33 and I was married for 6years. So in 6years after my devorce I’ve had 8 partners one being my curent bf of 4years
Posted by ken1 | December 22, 2012, 4:00 amI am 43 years old and I stopped counting at 100, I think I am being honest and upfront by declaring this number. I think a lot of people lie and I am about the average
Posted by Louise | December 4, 2011, 12:28 amOMG!
Posted by Scott | November 2, 2012, 10:37 pmI am 46 and stopped counting at 70-something…..that is because I got married and stopped. If I had not gotten married, I am sure the number would have climbed.
Posted by goat girl | February 14, 2013, 10:09 amOver 100 may be the average for prostitutes, and you probably are one.
Posted by rpr | April 9, 2013, 4:55 pmWoah that’s pretty closed minded of you! I’m 22 and I’ve been with 50 guys since I was 17. My experience is that it just becomes smoother & more natural to go from kissing to sex the more you do it. However I have also found that the more people I sleep with the harder I find it to get turned on by the same guy. Being with someone new is the only thing that excites me now & it saddens me and worries me that I won’t be able to settle down in the future. I actually wish I’d been more careful & selective in the past and kept sex special. I have been abused before though, and I think that is what led me to stop viewing sex as “special”, I partly became promiscuous to numb & block out the bad memories. To sum up; there is no definite judgements that can be made about a big or small number, everyone has different in lifestyle, life experience, personality, principles, psyche, social group/situation, preferences, view on sex etc. Each to their own! Just be happy
Posted by Aussie thinker | May 3, 2013, 5:25 pmI always think with whom are those men having sex if it is not with women ( in this cuestionarie) number are higher for men… Big mouth counts? Women usually are more discrete
Posted by Pedro Martinez | December 4, 2011, 11:53 amYou may also be interested in looking at this issue of Journal of Sexual Medicine published in 2010
http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/jsm.2010.7.issue-s5/issuetoc
They use a national probability survey to get sexual behavior data from the US from ages 14-94. They also have a paper dedicated to sexual behavior among those over 50.
One interest of mine is to determine whether changes in sexual behavior account for the increases in some STI related disease (ie HPV associated oral cancer)
Posted by danbeachler | December 8, 2011, 9:57 amThere is a higher rate of discrepancy in France between men (11.6) and women (4.4). I asked a statistician why that might be and he said that in a random population sample of women they were unlikely to have any prostitutes, but that in France a high number of men visited prostitutes. The secondary discrepancy would be caused by under reporting in women and over reporting in men.
Posted by normandierentals | April 13, 2012, 12:56 amI can’t believe the numbers are that low. I just counted for the last 17 years (I chose that time frame because it is the amount of time I have been living where I am now) and came up with 8. That is, precisely: 4 dating relationships of less than one year, 1 longer one (off and on for several years), 1 one-night stand, 1 serious relationship (a few years), and 1 person I see now. And there were times in which I was seeing nobody. It doesn’t really seem that excessive to me and everyone I know that I know this kind of thing about gets around at least this much unless they are married or something like that. All I can think of to explain low averages is marriage … ? … or is it that the window of ages measured is 15-44, which would skew things low?
Posted by Z | July 4, 2012, 9:26 pmI know this is an older post but I hope you can answer a question for me. I recently found out my husband of 22 years was unfaithful.. Very unfaithful. He admitted to never being faithful and very risky behavior with sex workers. He claims that he has not had unprotected sex since 2010. He received oral from a sex worker but “always” protected. Anyway, after revealing everything, I went to my doctor for a full check up & labs. My GYN found genital warts on me. (I was negative 4 years ago when I was pregnant with my daughter). I have had no other partners in 25 years. Anyway, my husband found a wart in his mouth. He claims he has no idea how he got it. That is just “appeared” recently. It is quite large behind his lower lip. His dermatologist removed it but my husband claims it was not tested. He also claims his dermatologist said that since I had a genital wart that I gave it to him in his mouth. This makes no sense to me. If he had one in his mouth then he gave it to me. So how did he get it? You can’t pick it up by drinking after someone. OR touching a chair but could he have gotten it by just touching himself or someone else and transferring it to his mouth? OR did he give oral sex to someone and got it that way? All this HPV information is so confusing. Many sites contradict each other.
Posted by Anne | July 27, 2012, 9:06 amSweetheart I hope u leave that man and it’s obvious he’s lying about everything. Think about it a dermatologist telling him u had warts and gave it to him? Even after he confessed to you about having affairs, he’s still lying. That means he’s not going to stop. It’s time you move on, I’ve been there and you deserve better.
Posted by Allysa | August 28, 2012, 1:45 amI doubt these numbers are true. People just lie even if it’s to a computer.
Posted by Allysa | August 28, 2012, 1:47 am25yo gay guy. So far this year (10) months my count has just gone past 100… I don’t have a problem, I just love it!
Posted by Adam | November 8, 2012, 9:41 pmI’m a 28 year old female, I lost my virginity when I was 13. In 15 years I’ve slept with 35 people. I feel a person becomes sexual promiscuous when they blatantly disregard, the sexual safety of themselves and others.
Not everyone is at the same place in their lives or has the same values or morals, sexual wants, needs or desires. So it’s quite unfair to place such a varied range of people in one study because then the numbers just become skewed.
Posted by Alianha | November 14, 2012, 11:49 amWell this article makes me feel pretty bad. I realize now that something is wrong with me & that I do have low self respect.
I am 17 years old. I have had sex with 19 people. I lost my virginity at the age of 14. I did not have strong feelings for most of my partners & have had mostly casual relationships. I engage in sexual acts without a thought or care & I am totally unprotected.
Aaaagghh something is wrong with me..
Posted by Emily | November 21, 2012, 1:13 amhaha dont feel bad. Im 38 male and i been with over 140 females.
Posted by Jo | December 11, 2012, 7:42 pmI find the low numbers shocking. I wonder how many people still are threatened by the social stigma associated with the numbers. As female in my thirties I did stop counting after approx 120. Do I feel that I am a “whore” as such articles suggest… NO. I am a healthy, safe sex practicing, responsible adult. I enjoy sex. Nothing wrong with that.
I wish more people were open about this topic.
Posted by Chris | December 18, 2012, 11:52 amI’m a woman closing in on 23 and surprise, surprise, I’ve never actually had sex with anybody. This isn’t for lack of wanting to, nor is it that I am socially inept or physically unattractive (trust me, I’m not either
. Every time I’ve gotten close to “doing it”, something has always come up and/or gotten in the way. Alas, that is just how the pieces fall sometimes. I worry sometimes about it because I do want to have sex, but at the same time I realize that there are tons of other items on my list of things to do. I’m sure it will happen eventually though, and after that, who knows how many sexual partners I’ll end up having? Either way, I don’t think that the number is something that anybody should be overly concerned with as long as they are being responsible and using protection.
Posted by briannagunter | January 11, 2013, 9:26 pmI am with you. I am married to my only partner. we both are very happy. stick to your role. it works
Posted by nice guy | February 23, 2013, 12:10 amI’m 26, male and have had no sexual partners at all. I don’t see myself having any in the future either. I find the idea of ending up with a whore uninteresting. I look at the higher number of sexual partners as people not worth knowing, I mean if you’ll treat what is suppose to be an intimate relationship as something you wipe your ass with, well, to be honest, I’m not even interested in calling you an acquaintance. To each their own though.
Posted by Sanshiro | February 11, 2013, 7:08 amI was so impressed to read a couple articles about younger people waiting for that special someone before they lose their virginity. I started thinking recently after reading some articles that our country was really promiscuous. But you gave me another view that you should be proud of. With the AIDS and HIV epidemic people should take their health more seriously but too many treat their bodies like their someone elses. God Bless You for being smart.
Posted by Alina Ward | February 21, 2013, 1:04 pmWhen a girl is sexually abused at a young age, she usually grows up thinking that sex is either what is expected from a man to show she cares, or she may avoid sex as much as possible. Neither is healthy, but her views may not be due to being a whore, but due to abuse. You may want to consider that fact before you completely discount a woman due to her sexual past. It’s not always black or white.
Posted by Mary | April 10, 2013, 1:46 amI’m a 29 y.o. guy, and I’ve had 21 women that I’ve penetrated. Some great sex, some not so much. My goal before marriage was 100 women, so I’m waaayyyy behind. I was in a relationship for almost 3 years between 26-29. Also, I lost my virginity at age 19. So in ten years of sexual activity, I have a 2.1 women per year average. I’m out of my relationship now, but my current prospectus- not too good. If I want to meet my immature jerkish piggish goal in the next ten years, or by age 39, I have to average 8 women per year. 10 years X 8 women per year= 80 women by Age 39. 80 women plus the 21 I’ve already been with, helps me reach my goal of 100 (101 actually). I think I’ll start prowling some college campuses, see if I can pull some threesomes- knock off some two for ones.
Posted by RA | March 14, 2013, 7:32 pmProwling colleges will NOT get it done. Look to bars where women in their 30s are plentiful. Women in their 30s are extremely easy. Also, 21 partners so far is good, but not nearly enough. 100 might be out of the question, but never give up. Finally, do not live your life with the goal of getting married. Way way overrated. Stay single, have girlfriends, make money, and live. Marriage is not all it’s cracked up to be. After a few years in, you’ll be looking at all the opportunities that have come to present themselves that you cannot act on. I met a woman in a bar in Yuma who was to die for, and I mean TO DIE FOR, but alas, I could not, due to being married. Don’t get married. Also, consider this: how many married men have tried to convince you how great it is? I’ll tell you how many – NONE. Marriage is good for the woman, and frustrating for the man. Don’t do it.
Posted by JohnM | May 12, 2013, 1:58 amWell, I’m 27 and I had only 3 girls and actually I did not even had more than a one month relation. Actually two where one night stand and one was a one month story where she literally told me “we just had sex together”. I wish my future will change I’m so frustrated but I’m always myself and not lying or bearing people I dont like.
Posted by Nico | March 19, 2013, 9:32 amI’m a 30 year old male and I’ve been with 43 women in 15 years. In that time period I’ve been in 3 committed relationships for a total of 5 years so I guess the average is about 4 a year. I think any attractive woman my age quoting below 20 is an outright lie since most I have met have had more than one ‘relationship’ a year, date frequently or have multiple guys in orbit. However, I’ve noticed some women tend to come back to me in between their relationships because they don’t want increase their number!
Posted by raf | April 3, 2013, 11:42 pmAlso men vary wildly in their numbers. I seriously think 20% of the guys are having 80% of the women. I suspect the guys with the highest count have positions with high publicity or work with constantly changing pool of women – so restaurant workers, door guys, promoters, bartenders, military, cops, volunteers, anyone with groupies like musicians, salsa instructors, pro athletes, etc…
Posted by raf | April 3, 2013, 11:50 pmI’m a 24-year-old male and have had 4 sexual partners since age 16, including a one night stand. 2 of my ex-gfs told me their count: D. had had 18 partners by age 20, and M. had had 28 partners by age 24 (you can’t say they weren’t honest). They admitted, though, that they would tell a smaller number to most people. My point is, men tend to over report and women tend to under report. Do you think the statiscians considered this effect?
Posted by Tom | April 8, 2013, 7:25 pmI have had sex with around 45 females. I am 21 year old male is that bad? Girls just love my dick. I have only performed oral 6 times.
Posted by J | April 9, 2013, 10:57 amLmao at everyone thinking something like, ‘Oh these numbers can’t be true because I, one person among 7 billion, have had X amount of partners. Therefore I am the average’ and ‘I perceive my acquaintances to have had the same if not more, although I have no proof.’ These people either aren’t very bright or joking, and in either case probably overestimating. Quite obviously, too.
Posted by rpr | April 9, 2013, 5:03 pmI am a 44 female. My reply will take longer to read than some of my sexual encounters did. I am facsinated by human sexuality . I have always been curious about the experiences of others and how I compare. Most of what I know is a result of “deck therapy” sessions- aka women and wine evenings! I consider myself to have had few partners: 6 with a few oral sex binges; if those count. Do they??
I have thought over the years, about my sexual history and the meaning behind the sexual choices I have made. The first few occurances in college starting at age 18, were likely my need to let off steam as a “girl gone wild”. I was a goody two shoes in HS and at home. As a freshmen in college, I was eager to expand my horizons, not as a scholar. Human Sexualtly was my favorite subject along with the psych/soc classes. Close girlfriends quickly noticed a change in my behavior and thankfully brought it to my attention in a kind and caring way. I did a reality check. My sexual activity was not making me feel any better about myself.
Married sex: “If you put a penny in a jar for every time you have sex prior to marraige, you will fill it quickly. If you remove a penny for every time you have sex once you are married, it will never empty. Things started out great like so many things often do. Neither of us brought much sexual experience/interest/maturity into the relationship. The outcome of our sex: two beautiful children.
A one night “fling” at the tail end of the marriage “is what is”.
Post divorce sex: I am older and I know what I want. I feel more confident about me, my body, my mind. I know what does not work; for me. I would like to try a lot of things with one person I can trust, vice versa. I believe my first experiences were a means to challenge my personal boundaries. I needed to see what I could get away with with no parents around to stop me. I wanted to be popular, feel loved. Those experiences were not confidence builders to say the least, but none the less, something I learned from. Post divorce, I have no interest in repeating another “girl gone wild” episode. Maybe this comes with age and maturity. I look at myself differently at age 44 than I did at 18. I have more respect for myself. I believe a man will see this and treat me with greater respect. Interestingly, I am not overly concerned with the man’s number of sexual partners. His experiences may add some excitement! At least that is what my fantasy world sees!
Posted by ShaRee | April 10, 2013, 12:11 pm