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Orgasm, sex

Cosmo sex position of the day: hamstring hell

You should have seen the look on my face when last night’s sex position popped up on my iPhone. I mean what the fuck? Don’t figure skaters and professional ballroom dancers practice for years to achieve this position and Cosmo just wants me to whip my leg up over my head and climb on board?

Photo of Sasha Cohen by Vesperholly CC-BY-SA-2.5

And never mind that having sex standing up requires a certain mechanical finesse, but dear Cosmo you want me to balance on one foot with my hamstring on full stretch? Yes, nothing screams sexy more than visualizing the appearance of your muscle tear and tendon rupture on MRI.

So while I knew in my heart of hearts that achieving this position would be impossible, I pulled myself together and showed some of that British pluck (the kind of resolve my mother says that “won the war,” and as an aside, if you ever visit my parents you would swear it is still 1945. It’s a bit like being in a Monty Python sketch, and not in a good way).

Anyway, as expected, I’m good to about 90 degrees.

Bringing sexy back, one position at a time!

I have to throw down the gauntlet (or should I say throw down the diaphragm?). We’re 0 for 4 Cosmo. Not one of your sex positions so far seem: A) physically possible B) comfortable and C) orgasm inducing. Maybe Malibu Barbie bends like this, but, uh, I don’t. Shouldn’t someone who has had sex at least once and for more than 1 minute have a little look-see before these position go live on your App? Call me crazy!

So thank you Cosmo for your message of female empowerment. From luxurious tresses, to boobs that defy gravity, to sex positions that require an internship in Cirque de Soleil. It’s all so real. And hey, at least this time you had the guy contribute by having him lean back, you know, ever so slightly.

What do you think, are you physically capable of having sex like this?

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Discussion

16 thoughts on “Cosmo sex position of the day: hamstring hell

  1. Gaaaaaaah! Is Cosmo staffed by horny teenage boys who know nothing of human anatomy?

    Posted by Tabby Lavalamp | September 17, 2011, 6:13 pm
  2. I’m a very flexible person (both figuratively and literally). I’m double jointed, I took gymnastics, and I do yoga. All that said, I can very well imagine the amount of core strength, limberness, flexibility — and most of all determination — that would go into this position. Who could have an orgasm while concentrating on all of those things at once? And what normal person could do it at all without tons of practice?

    And what normal man would wait patiently while their partner positions herself in odd new positions every time she reads about a new one in Cosmo?. It really brings down the mood. Also, they don’t want to be worrying about if you’re gonna fall or tip over while they’re inside you. That would be really unsexy.

    But to answer your ending question: I could get into this position. But could I have sex, achieve orgasm, etc, like that? No. All of that concentration and physical strain is an orgasm killer.

    Posted by Carrie Eckles (@CarrieEckles) | September 17, 2011, 6:13 pm
  3. Ouch, not to mention that if I could get my leg up like that, my husband’s and my parts wouldn’t come anywhere close to matching up.

    Posted by liz | September 17, 2011, 6:20 pm
  4. Cosmo have heard you like trying the positions . 

    Posted by Jim | September 17, 2011, 7:02 pm
  5. So, what? You’re supposed to hike up that leg and… think of England?

    Posted by pallasathena2007 | September 17, 2011, 9:42 pm
  6. I’m a man. That looks like a good position. Doing it to produce sufficient enjoyment would be a different matter. Sex positions are sometimes overrated. I think basic positions can produce better orgasms. It’s really about technique. But sometimes doing physically crazy stuff is fun.

    Posted by Derek M | September 17, 2011, 10:58 pm
  7. Could it be that the positions are so ridiculous that it’s just a joke?

    Posted by Andy | September 17, 2011, 11:58 pm
  8. Have to agree with Liz. My husband is 6’4″. I am 5’2″. Besides the fact there’s no way in hell my leg is doing that.

    Posted by Kerri | September 18, 2011, 2:23 am
  9. Intriguing? Absolutely.

    But more than anything this looks more like work than ‘play’.

    Sorry, Cosmo… FAIL.

    Posted by Eric | September 18, 2011, 12:40 pm
  10. If the leg was just hooked over the guy’s arm, that would look more worth trying… otherwise hell no.

    Posted by QoB | September 18, 2011, 10:14 pm
  11. I think it would bend internal organs, push them together in odd ways, making things difficult.

    Posted by Z | July 4, 2012, 9:46 pm
  12. I’m a professional modern dancer, that being said, my legs can go sky high upon request. However, I would under no circumstances try this ridiculous position, unless I was determined to a) never get even close to an orgasm, or b) during a particularly passionate thrust feel my hamstring tear off the bone and flap up like Venetian blinds. Dear Cosmo: Really?! Sincerely, Everybody.

    Posted by Nicole | October 30, 2012, 5:56 pm

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Pingback: Women’s Mags. Argh. | shake and crawl - September 20, 2011

  2. Pingback: Cosmo’s latest sex position proves they know as little about sprinklers as they do orgasms « Dr. Jen Gunter - October 8, 2011

  3. Pingback: Google “sex positions” and what do you get? Me! (and where to find better sex advice than Cosmo) « Dr. Jen Gunter - November 22, 2011

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